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| You hold special positions in this Ummah. When you were little, Allaah ordered us to protect you like the knights protecting their princess. When you became our spouses, Allah ordered us to be gentle, just and caring to make sure nothing is broken in the house. And when you became mothers, Allaah made it haraam for us to say "uff" to you, just like you were our Queen. When the Yahuwd tried to harass one Muslimah, the blood of your brothers were shed. We brothers ask that you stay strong in this Deen & hold tightly to the Sunnah. We'll never truly know the pain you go through, but know that we have obligations to carry out just for you. |
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When you notice bad breathe during congregational salaah(prayers)...
You would either...
1) Smack the person offering salaah beside you and let him figure,
2) Pass the mint you've kept ready in your pocket to him and let him figure,
3) Change the saf (row) that you're already in, even if it means being crushed by 2 big men,
4) Switch places with the one who doesn't have bad breathe hoping he doesn't figure out,
5) Tell mr Bad Breathe off and let him figure,
6) Give your own miswak to him and let him figure,
7) Place your hand over your mouth during salaah and hope he doesn't figure,
8) Hold your breathe. |
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This is a funny and interesting Guest Post written by Aunty Jelass in relation to the topic of education and marriage. Grab a snack and a cup of coffee because this one is longer than my usual short posts. Enjoy!
(Aunty Jelass, once again I apologize for taking a bit too long to approve this guest post of yours)
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For those who may be unfamiliar with the issues in the Muslim community, there is a hot debate between choosing to get married or pursuing an education; and it seems to be falling mostly on the shoulders of Muslim women.
"Ladies and Gentlemen the games are about to begin!"
"Fighting first: Representing the blue corner is a man on a mission to find the lady of his dreams. Weighing in about 187 pounds, he eats his fill of taqwa and good adab.
He wants to settle, start a family, and he wants her…..he is SINGLE MUSLIM BROTHEEEEEEER!
In the next corner, representing the red side is a lady trying to finish her studies, erhaps, even pursue them longer. Weighing in about ….(no weight given), she's on a mission to gain independence, stability, and knowledge. Catch her if you can, before facing a commitment…she is FOCUSED MUSLIM SISTEEEEEEEEEEER!!!"
Ding Ding!!
Please don’t get Aunty Jelass wrong, the Muslim community is very focused on seeking knowledge and gaining a solid foundation. In Islam, it is an obligation for men and women. One of the attributed sayings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) reads,
"If anyone travels on a road in search of knowledge, Allah will cause him to travel on one of the roads of Paradise…”
Actually, in countries like the United States, the Muslim demographic as a whole surpasses the average American in education, assets, and income.
So what’s the problem?
The debate stems from the idea that marriage is half the Deen (constituting half the faith) and marriage (when possible) should not be postponed to pursue personal aspirations. Also, the need to curb sexual temptations and the fear of running out of suitable candidates later weigh in heavy to complicate the matter.
On one side, many argue that Muslims should marry as soon as they are able to. This means, when a woman is approached with a suitable brother, and when a brother can support a woman. They argue that (non-religious) education is an aspect of the Dunya (world) and not as important as living a life pleasing the Almighty. They also argue that Muslims should not try to stay in school for fear of poverty. That God will bless the marriage and only in Him lay the bounties and blessings of this life. Sometimes the argument follows that women earn their highest reward as a wife and mother not a high powered CEO or attorney. Ladies, therefore, should not try to put off marriage for their own aspirations; rather they should conform and marry as soon as they can.
One the other side, however some argue that women need to be prepared to take care of themselves both mentally, and financially. This means getting a degree and staying focused just in case she may have to take care of herself, her family or even her hubby should her household fall into poverty. Women should then basically have the autonomy to pursue their dreams and only when they are ready should they start worrying about getting married.
Ooooh I can feel the tension....
Voice of dissent: "But I don’t understand Aunty Jelass? What’s the problem, why not get edu-ma-cated and be married at the same time?"
Listen you! Of course this is an option! One, many young Muslim couples actually practice. Depending on the age of the new bride and groom they may get married while both pursuing degrees or if a sister marries an older brother, she may accept his proposal only if he honors her desires to stick with her degree and her career while balancing her wifely duties on the side. Sometimes however, parents become a barrier to this compromise by restricting their daughters from accepting proposals until they earn their bachelors or masters degrees! They may do this out of a desire to gain a higher status through their children’s accomplishments (not good) or because they are fearful their husbands may refuse or pressure them to focus on being “wives” rather than going to school.
This debate carries a lot of complex issues and opinions. When it comes down to it, the real decision is up to the woman as it is in her right to choose to accept or reject an interested brother. Also, the Qur'an teaches there is no “compulsion in religion," and a woman cannot be forced into marriage. Only she can truly determine whether or not she is ready for such a commitment. Depending on the sister, this might have to be after she gets her feet wet once she has graduated.
Too bad though there is much pressure in the community to push or pull sisters in either way.
Hold on ladies. Remember...
Keep your head up.
Marriage isn’t an easy road to travel. It might be a harder road to take if you aren’t ready mentally.
Be cognizant of reality.
There is evidence that the chances of finding a spouse in the Muslim community may be more difficult the older a woman becomes. This is a trend that affects most societies and cultures. It is something to be aware of but shouldn’t be the main factor that drives your decision. Nothing happens in this life without the will of God and He chooses our paths.
Deal with your folks.
Whether or not your parents try to restrict you from marrying or pressure you to do so, understand that Islam gives you the right to be autonomous and take control of your life. Obviously this means balancing respect and reverence for our folks while trying to do what may be best for our own-selves. No matter what your decision always try to communicate with kindness while keeping in mind that Muslims are not required to be obedient to anyone that tries to deter them from “matters of faith.”
Get ready for the jump.
Islam is an all encompassing in matters of faith and in practice. Muslim women have the right to negotiate their desires and needs when getting married. Know that if you decide to wed while getting your pre-med you should make this clear to your future man candy. Let him know, and understand his feelings. You can even protect yourself more by stipulating in the marriage contract that this is non-negotiable.
Aunty Jelass knows of many sisters (including herself) who found their way through this problem. She not only communicated with husband about her desires but was actually able to balance study abroad, and commuting across states after she got hitched. May Allah (swt) forgive us for our faults and guide us always.
Thank you for reading this post, it came directly out of inspiration from Brother Adib's post in March.
Similar posts can be found on After the Nikah: A Journey into Muslim Marriage. http://afterthenikah.blogspot.com/
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